Why do we assume all orgasm experiences to be positive? Study – “When Orgasms Do Not Equal Pleasure: Accounts of “Bad” Orgasm Experiences During Consensual Sexual Encounters”

It may seem odd to be posting an article that analyzes orgasm-centricity, or the orgasm imperative, on a blog devoted to orgasm. However, how we view orgasm itself, as an essential or an accessory/as a wholly positive or non-positive experience, is an important part of the orgasm equation.

Increasingly, in the past 50 years, orgasms have been assumed to be associated with wholly positive consensual experiences in media and medical and academic discourse. Orgasm is often perceived as pleasurable, fun, empowering, a mean to discover oneself, an indicator of successful sex, a symbol of the feminist movement, and an essential for psychological, physical, and spiritual health.

What if orgasm and the pursuit of orgasm are not always so positive? What if this bias towards orgasm-centricity, orgasm positivism, and the orgasm imperative has conversely been associated with a decrease in overall sexual pleasure and the pathologization of orgasm for some people?

ARTICLE

Today’s article poses this very question. Chadwick, Francisco, and Sari’s (2019) When Orgasms Do Not Equal Pleasure examines accounts of “bad” orgasms during consensual sexual encounters (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31512005/).

Hyperfocus on orgasm has been associated with lower sexual satisfaction, less intimacy, viewing sex as a sport, performance anxiety, and faking orgasms to end sex or to satisfy their partner, and ignorance of intimacy, non-orgasmic physical sensations, etc. Some penis-owners may experience stress, shame, and guilt associated with premature ejaculation. People can also experience painful orgasms after medical interventions, pelvic floor problems, and medications. People who experience sexual assault and coercion have reported a non-positive association with orgasm during the assault, where orgasm does not necessarily equate consent, enjoyment, arousal, or positive affect. Unfortunately, many surveys of orgasm experience often only include adjectives associated with positive experiences of orgasms (e.g. The Orgasm Rating Scale), so the non-positive dimension of the orgasm experience is under-researched and under-reported.

DISCUSSION TOPICS

Your orgasmic experiences might deviate from the standard narrative of orgasm positivism as those who participated to this study.

Have you ever felt orgasm was a “bad” experience on your own or with a partner?

Have you ever encountered orgasm-centricity or hyperfocus on orgasm in your life?

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE ARTICLE

“The critique that the orgasm imperative can constrain sexual pleasure and pathologize orgasm absence has served to disrupt the notion that orgasm occurrence is necessary for sex to be positive and healthy, and specifically has helped to refute non-orgasmic sex as dysfunctional and inherently not pleasurable. For example, research has shown that many women and men of varying sexual identities feel that orgasm is not an essential component of their sexual pleasure and that intimacy and affection can be equally if not more important” (p. 2435)

“When citing gender expectations, many women who had sex with men reported feeling pressured to have an orgasm to protect their male partner’s ego; and, many women who were explicitly pressured by their partner to orgasm reported that their partner was concerned about demonstrating his sexual skill. These reports align with sexual scripts that position women’s orgasm as a masculinity achievement for men and reflect the notion that men are likely to become upset when women do not orgasm with them (Chadwick & van Anders, 2017; Fahs, 2014; Salisbury & Fisher, 2014). Furthermore, because men are stereotyped as uninterested in women’s sexual pleasure at all, some women felt that they should be especially grateful for men who express interest in women’s orgasms. These feelings of gratitude perhaps align with the notion that men who are invested in women’s orgasms are “enlightened” compared to men who are not, giving “enlightened” men an especially valued status as sexual partners (Gilfoyle et al., 1992). Investment in a partner’s sexual pleasure is not necessarily bad in itself; however, our findings suggest that women may feel pressured to engage in or continue unwanted sex because they feel pressured to value their male partner’s “enlightened” approach to sexuality over their own desires” (p. 2455)

“Heterosexual and queer men reported resentment toward the stereotype that men are always interested in sex and that their orgasms are easy and occur during every sexual encounter. For many men, this meant that they felt pressured to unwanted sex and to orgasm no matter how they felt about the encounter. Notably, our findings highlight that, while men are typically socialized to believe that all sexual interactions and orgasms are positive (Smith et al., 1988; Struckman-Johnson & Struckman-Johnson, 1991; Wiederman, 2005), many men experience sexual encounters in which they orgasm in negative ways” (p. 2456)

“Participants also described how their bad orgasm experiences were shaped by stereotypes and expectations related to their sexual identity. For example, some bisexual participants suggested that they felt pressured to orgasm with sexual partners of multiple genders to prove to their partners that they were “truly” bisexual, citing the stereotype that bisexual individuals are secretly gay or straight, but just currently undecided (Barker & Langdridge, 2008; Matsick & Rubin, 2018). Additionally, many queer-identified women reported feeling like they had to orgasm with their women partners during every sexual encounter because of the assumption that women are especially skilled at giving other women orgasms (Walker, 2014)” (p. 2456)